Guest Post: A Few Good Men (And a Woman)

By Gus Turdlock

Governor Schwarzenegger:  Senator, Madam Speaker, we live in a world that has budgets and those budgets need to be written by men and women with computers.  Who’s gonna do it?  You?  You, Speaker Bass?  I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.  You weep for school kids, people in walkers and loons running around town talking to clouds while criticizing Republican ideals. 

You have that luxury.  You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that harsh budget cuts, while tragic, probably will save the state and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves California.   You don’t  want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at fundraisers you want me on this budget, you need me on this budget.  

We use words like backfill, out-years, RAWs and RANs.  We use them as the backbone of the budget of a responsible administration trying to keep this state solvent.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to legislators who prosper in this glorious state I manage and then question the manner in which I manage it.  I would rather you just said “thank you” and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a laptop and take your turn.  

Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think your unions and core constituencies are entitled to. 

Senator Steinberg: Governor, do you really want to close the parks, eliminate the safety net for those of us in our society that need a break and eliminate the Waste Board? 

Speaker Bass:  And Governor, you favor releasing criminals in our communities but keeping the high school exit exam while furloughing our valued state workers? 

Steinberg and Bass:  We want the truth. 

Schwarzenegger:  (shouts)  You can’t handle the truth.

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